Deaf culture vs our own...a beginning.

I've just finished the second week of classes at Columbus State, and already, I am learning so much about the deaf culture. We know that deaf people are visual, of course. However, I learned that they are also a very "touch-friendly" people. They always hug when they greet each other or say good-bye..always. If someone is facing away from someone else, they touch his or her shoulder to get their attention to converse, and there are other ways they use touch I don't yet know but am going to learn in this quarter. We, the students, have been warned that we are going to be touching one another and anyone uncomfortable with will have a problem passing this course. Touch is that important. Visual cues are equally, if not more important. You always look at the person's eyes while signing, not their hands. Also, expression in the face is very important. You can sign the exact same word or sentence and by just raising an eyebrow, it can mean something completely different. So, there are a lot of things to be mindful of when conversing with a deaf person that I am only beginning to understand. How neat is that?

Now on to something I was thinking about when I was walking home from school. As I passed by people, I got no head-bob, no eye contact, no "Hello", or even a smile. Now, do you people over the age of 30 or who live or have lived in a small town remember when people used to greet one another as they passed by? Do you remember the words "How are you and how is your family?"How about eye contact? Who really looks into our eyes anymore as we pass people on the street, between classes, in class, or even in our own circles? I've noticed hand-shaking is going away. Hugging is reserved for women and the gays..like me..hee hee. Even the occasional "head-bob" that says "Hey, how ya doin'?" would be nice to see. Common courtesies like that are going away like a leaf in the wind. It is even considered rude now-a-days if you look someone in the eyes and smile as you pass by them on the street. They want to know what the Hell you want? Wow...Soon, it seems, we will no longer acknowledge each other as we strive to be "left alone." I will say that in a tiny percent of US cities, these courtesies still happen, Thank God. The rest of the country, however, is turning into a lonely place even though we are surrounded by people.

My point...people who are deaf HAVE to look at one another or they might miss something..always. They need to touch each other. Not shaking hands kind of touch, but other kinds that would seem rude or "whoa!..whatchya doin?" kind of thing to us hearing folk. When I see people who are deaf run into each other on the street or at school, I get a little jealous. I mean, they smile, hug, ask how they're doing are and mean it...and go on to have great conversations. They show genuine interest in the other person. Now, that could be because they have had to and still have to overcome adversity and discrimination. They ban together and fiercely defend their culture. They believe in themselves and that is very, very cool. Now, some of these conversations I see are between two friends who already know each other and that's why the conversation is so lively, but I've seen folks who aspire to be interpreters like myself approach people who are deaf for the first time and fully..I mean fully engage in great conversation. People who are deaf appreciate that hearing folk want to learn ASL for interpreting. I say for interpreting because learning ASL for reasons other than becoming an interpreter or conversing with a deaf family member isn't really welcomed in the deaf community. There are real and strong reasons why..more on that in another blog entry.

So, I found out I have a deaf neighbor in my building a few months ago. I approached him and signed "Hi, how are you?" He signed back appropriately and asked if I was deaf. I signed "No." His next question was, "Why did you learn sign language?" I signed back "To be an interpreter, I'm attending college now." He immediately smiled and we chatted a bit. At that time, I knew only a few signs, but he helped me through our conversation and we shared a few laughs as I would screw up a sign here and there. Anyway, he signed that he would help me practice my signing anytime. How about that? We just met and he wanted to help me with something. Now, where do you see that happening in a hearing world? So now, whenever I see him, there is always a warm smile and a "Hello" and "How are you?" He always takes time to chit-chat. At first, I was nervous that he wanted to chat beyond the "Hello" and How are you?" because people just don't do that at first, but oh yeah....he's deaf and that's what they do. I found that pretty awesome.

Anyway, I'm starting to see things differently about the hearing population now that I am learning more about the deaf culture. I don't think bad thoughts about us hearing folk or wish I were deaf, but what is our culture? Do we have one, or are we split into so many cultures because we think this or that about him or her or that group or that part of the country? I think because we as hearing folk have it so good, we don't care about anything as a population. Or, maybe our population is so big that we really can't ban together with "hearing" being the sole label. I dunno. I just wish that we hearing folk could be nicer, really listen to each other, be a little bit more understanding, and give each other a hug now and again. I cannot think of a single individual who deep in their heart would argue with me on that one.

I remember when September 11th happened and what did we see? Firemen breaking down and hugging one another, people banning together and helping every person they could find, the pride in our country grew to heights I've never seen, and we all cried and felt a sense of connection. Where did that go? Why did it have to go? No....why did we LET it go? Are we so into ourselves that something so terrible has to happen AGAIN to bring us back to sharing that kind of connection with one another? If we would just look into another person's eyes with genuine concern, touch them with a kind hand, listen intently to what they have to say, laugh and speak to them with warmth in our voices for no reason but to connect, maybe things would change in our lives and in our country.

I don't wish I were deaf, but I wish we as a hearing population were a bit more courteous and willing to reach out to one another. We've shared experiences in the past that have taught us how to connect and be a better people, but we've let that slip through our fingers as we go about our lives... just wanting to be left alone. But we don't have to be alone, make a different choice next time you pass someone on the street or see a neighbor. A smile will definitely come and you'll feel better, and who knows? Your smile could make their day go differently and they may decide to make a different choice when they see someone.